I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
