I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
