OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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