You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
