Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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