the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!