somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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