I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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