saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
