we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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