kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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