I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
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I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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