i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
