My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
