So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
