Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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