I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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