Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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