Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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