hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
