Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
