At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
