why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
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His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!