Slut skills are useful in every country.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.