I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
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Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
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So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.