she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."