i can't believe i had my finger in that
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".