My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.