I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?