I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage