If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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