Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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