the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
