Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
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And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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