naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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