Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
