Your mouth is God's brothel.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
