What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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