Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
