how can u be prego again
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
