Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I need moral support for this bender
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
