The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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