Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
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If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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