wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
