I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
