well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why do cheetos always look like penises
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
