you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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