my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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