420 ftw
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
