Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
