dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
