She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
