I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
