a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
