omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
