one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
