Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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