I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
