This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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