Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
