we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
