I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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