turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think I just sharted jello shots
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
