Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There r osticjed everywhere
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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