Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.