So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.