Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When are your genitals available?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!