hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm getting married
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.