I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward