When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.