This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch