I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.