So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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