Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
