shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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