So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
