I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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