guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This is the high leading the old right now
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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