He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
