there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
