I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We have started to decorate penises.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
