Well apparently he's into motor boating.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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