you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
